Dying a 1000 deaths - If I have to ask.

For as long as I remember, I always had problems asking – with a doctor for detailed advice, with friends & in relationships, at work and off work. Whether it is a salary negotiation for a new job or asking for a promotion or asking a friend for a certain favor (“help” is a better word though). I would rather die a 1000 deaths but NOT ask…weird isn’t it?

So this approach had left me quite unhappy since the result in most cases was never in my favor. To put it bluntly, it was not even close what I wanted. Many examples to quote –

  • Have paid more while shopping because asking to negotiate was not my thing

  • Been unhappy in relationships work or otherwise – probably I gave more than what I received. Inability to set boundaries

  • Someone else got a better career & I did not

  • Self-doubt – do I really deserve it?

  • And Many more

I started researching this state of mind and came to understand many theories. So why can’t I ask? In that order below.

  1. Ego – I initially thought it was judgement as the first player for sorts but I quickly realized; Its my EGO (when & how is another discussion). Ego created the big shield or a barrier around me creating a futuristic situation (at least in my mind) – that asking is petty. Why do I need some else to provide me when I am so full of myself?

  2. Fear of judgment – actually it’s not fear of judgement – its fear of negative judgment. Did it happen in actuality? Maybe – but my mind was playing games. The thought of negative judgement created that Shield.

  3. Independence – Truly independent people never ask was my thinking for a long time. Independent people only give & not ask. Such a BS …. In fact true independence is in interdependence.

These have been my beliefs the last 18 years or so

Once I started giving the right meaning to the above; the world has changed for me. I took the ownership from the other person back to me – by beginning to ask. Reading a lot of books like think & grow rich, alchemist etc was very empowering. and started “testing” this idea of asking. Will it work?. By making small changes at home, to my friends & colleagues – I was getting help & people were willing to pick my call & help me with what I wanted (eventually). This enabled me to reach out more & even led to a promotion at work this year. So from here on I am changing the meaning:

Living a 1000 times

(because I can ask)